babies were throwing up all over the place
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
