guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
