We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
