i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
