I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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