I don't usually arrange sex via text message
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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