I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
