just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
