Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
