you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
