I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
