Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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