Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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