I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
