it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
