bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
