i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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