dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
