Whats the glycemic index on semen?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
