he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
