please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
