then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
