you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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