Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
