when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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