Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
