i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
