she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
