How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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