if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
