just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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