I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't think brook has ever known best
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
