It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
