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I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
