Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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