we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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