would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My ATM looks so different sober.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
