why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
