fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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