a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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