im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
