i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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