I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
