That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
