so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
