Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
