no, he came in my armpit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's official drugs can't kill me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
