dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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