there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
