I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
