i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
