I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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