Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
